You probably subscribed to this newsletter with different expectations, but for me, it was time to shake things up and make a change.1 From now the main topic will be primarily about running (and mental health). Two things that are closely connected for me. If this interests you, stay tuned. If you are not already a subscriber, push the button! Thanks - it means the world to me! So let’s start.
Oh man, this topic has been on my mind for so long and it won't let go of me. For nearly 9 years, I've been lacing up my running shoes again and again, day in day out and almost always, mental health has been the little stone in my shoe that's barely noticeable on the short run, but has caused a painful blister after a long run.
Maybe a strange comparison, but running is always on my mind. When I wake up in the morning, I wonder how my body has processed yesterday's training session. Throughout the day, I tune into myself and wonder when the next session would be best. Where does it hurt? Am I doing too much, or can I go out again right away? This is me, every day. That’s why this newsletter is called: Never not (thinking about) running.
Running sets me so extremely free because I've seen and experienced so many wonderful things through running, but it also limits me because it never lets me go. It exhausts my body and mind simultaneously in a positive way, but also leaves me so tired that I have to be careful not to overdo it.
I've been there before. I get overwhelmed quickly. My life is demanding. Work, family, a house, hobbies are keywords that everyone puts on their resume, but it feels like each of them drains me. Then I go running - for balance - but I'm already overwhelmed. The mental exhaustion combined with physical exhaustion is not a good combination. Balance is difficult for me.
I had a burnout. Not just a runners burnout. A complete burnout. I suspect - not just once, but several times. Never as severe as I've seen in other people - I always somehow managed to get back on my feet. I sought and found help, rested, but it's always a struggle, and running, on one hand, leads to relaxation during these times, but at the same time, to exhaustion when I do it like I want to do it and that makes the burnout not really better. Balance is difficult for me.
Eventually, I can't go on, but I keep pushing. Is that logical? Probably not. I'd like everything to just stop, but the keywords are there. I can't let anyone down. Nothing can be left behind. Close to the total breakdown. Somehow good, but also somewhat depressing. Sometimes too much for life and too little for death. Is that balance?
Nevertheless, running is always enjoyable for me. It's my elixir of life. I never have problems with motivation. I continually draw incredible energy from it. With new training plans, new races, new personal bests. With wonderful experiences.
Overall this actually sounds like something needs to change. If perhaps not in running, then in my life, and I'm continuing to explore that. To get back to the little stone comparison. It’s expected to be easy to stop the run, get rid of that little stone, but for me that’s extremely difficult. “Hey, only 5k to go. What could happen? It’s so wonderful. I don’t stop here.” You know the responsible thing, but you do the fun thing. Or the comfortable thing.
That's the background for this newsletter. Everything that comes here is based on these words.
Next year, there's a UTMB/TDP-race in Obernai over 34km on the agenda. It’s my big A-goal for 2024. Trying to overcome my self-made boundaries. Unusual for me, who usually only competes in 5-kilometer races. Challenging for me because my body or my mind aren't really made for such distances - I believe that at least.
Challenging because I’ve got panic attacks from time to time, and travel, leaving the comfort zone of home, triggers them. So, let's see if it all works out. Besides that, I’ve got some creative goals for that project. Maybe do a little movie about the whole thing, do a photo book, a podcast? And so on. Hope you enjoy it. Let's go on a journey.
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Für die deutschen Leser. Der Newsletter wird sich nun hauptsächlich auf mentale Gesundheit und das Thema Laufen konzentrieren. Die englische Sprache hilft mir das sehr persönliche Thema etwas mehr aus der Distanz zu betrachten. Hoffe ich zumindest.